#1- Troy Jones

Dear Insurance Company in Los Angeles: (for privacy's sake, I won't mention who you are.)


I admire your persistence in sending your offers to a Mr. Troy Jones. Whatever they may be, they sound rather important, and maybe Mr. Jones could take you up on offers.

There's only one problem:

TROY JONES DOES NOT LIVE AT MY HOUSE.

You have sent several letters over the last few months desperately trying to get his attention, and I have sent every one back to you with notes written all over the envelopes: No Such Person At This Address, Return to Sender, ect, apparently to no avail, as you have sent yet another one to me. I received it just this Sunday.

Company in LA, I am disappoint.

I understand, you're big and important and don't have time to look at every letter sent back to you, but one would think after the TENTH GODDAMN LETTER sent back that maybe SOMEONE would say, "Gee golly jeepers, lookit here! Mr. Jones doesn't live there after all! Guess we ought to remove that address, hurr durr!" Or maybe, just maybe, after months of not being able to contact him, SOMEONE would maybe start to think, "Gee golly jeepers, lookit this! He's not responding to our mail, maybe we're sending it to the wrong address?" I guess the people that work for your company don't think, seeing as how you have yet again plagued my mailbox with yet another letter.

Troy Jones does not live here. I don't know if a Troy Jones has ever lived here, and it would be incredibly ironic if a Troy Jones moved in after my family left, but for right now, there is no such Troy Jones living at my address. For the sake of Mr. Jones, you really ought to find out what his real address is.

As destroying another person's mail is a federal offense, I will have to send every letter back to you. I won't be happy about it, but until you pull your heads out of your asses, I guess I have no other choice.

Warm regards,

Lizzie.