Saturday, February 26, 2011

#3- Amnesia: The Dark Descent. BEWARE THIS GAME.

Quite possibly the scariest game I've ever encountered, Amnesia: The Dark Descent is a first-person survival horror game on the PC from Frictional Games. You wake up as Daniel, an amnesiac, in a dark castle, where you find a note from your former self which pretty much boils down to:

"Hi, this is your former self, I drank something to make me forget everything so don't be too scared. You have to go to this room under the castle to kill this guy Alexander. Don't ask why, he's just evil.

By the way, there are monsters following you that alter reality and makes you go insane.

Ok, good luck dude!"


So there you have it. As you play the game, you find notes and journal entries and live through flashbacks from Daniel's past that eventually unravel the gruesome history of the castle which actually turns out to be a compelling and interesting story, without becoming too weird, which happens too often in horror games with zombie-like monsters.

Why is this game so scary? Well, it's not necessarily what does happen, it's what doesn't happen. It's the knowledge that there's something there, but you don't know where exactly it is or whether it knows where you are. It's a fact that people are generally more afraid of uncertainty and the unknown. You don't know what's behind that door you're about to open. You don't know what just walked by you, or if something did actually walk by you. You don't know why that candle's lit, since you did nothing to light it. You don't know if you're actually hearing those footsteps behind you. You don't know why there's blood all over the floor. You don't know who's arm you just stepped on.

You see where I'm going with this?

Also, the game's original lighting is such that you literally cannot see your hand in front of your face. (Lame people that don't like this fact can brighten it so it's practically daylight inside the castle, but that just takes the fun out of everything.) So you have to light candles and torches with tinderboxes that you find scattered around the castle. However, these tinderboxes are very rare, so don't waste them. You also find a lantern (if you're observant enough to see it), but the oil doesn't last very long, and extra oil is scarcer than tinderboxes. However, if you stay in the dark too long, Daniel starts to hallucinate. You hear him grinding his teeth, and the area around you starts wavering as you stagger around. How do you maintain your sanity? You stay in the light and solve puzzles. But the monsters are attracted to light, and the more puzzles you solve the more likely it is you'll be found. Plus the music in this game makes a creepy atmosphere, and the added bumps and footsteps all around you make you wonder if you really are alone at your computer.

What do you do if a monster finds you? Run and hide in the corner like the little bitch that you are. No seriously. That, actually, is what makes the game so scary (for me, anyway); you cannot defend yourself. Resident Evil, Silent Hill, and other horror games at least let you punch what's coming at you. Here, no way. You have to turn off your lamp and hide somewhere, anywhere, in the dark corner or in a wardrobe or something, and pray it didn't see you in the first place. The damn things can even smell you out, so you have to get away from it before you hide.

All in all, the game is unbelievably freaky, but it is a very good game. The way the game drags you in and puts you in Daniel's place is actually pretty awesome, making it one of the best horror experiences. I couldn't even get past the demo, that's how much it scared me, so now I provide moral support to my brother as he plays it.

Also, watching videos of people's reactions on YouTube is incredibly entertaining.





Warm Regards,
Liz.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

#2- I Love the Toaster

Ah, the toaster. It's only purpose in life is to make bread hot and crunchy according to whatever settings its master sets. The toaster we have at the house strangely enough looks like something out of a 1950-60's House Of The Future. It's chrome (because EVERYTHING is chrome in the future) and has funny knobs on it , and even has a button you press when you want to toast bagels, and the bagels don't come out burnt. Even though we've had to take it apart a couple times to fix it, I love our toaster.

Today I was still feeling groggy after forcing myself to take a shower and wash my hair, as it had gotten rather greasy after sleeping last night. So I placed a couple pieces of bread in the toaster and waited. As much as I love the toaster, it's the waiting around that kills me every time. So, after about a minute or so (I dunno, I was still groggy), I said in a rather impressive voice "Toaster, I command you to be done. BE DONE!!"

Sensing that I was anxious to eat, the toaster obliged immediately.

And the toast was perfect.

Thank you, toaster. Your tireless efforts to appease me in the morning will not go unnoticed. If and when it becomes impossible to fix you, I'll personally see you off to Toaster Valhalla.

Warm Regards,

Liz.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

#1- Troy Jones

Dear Insurance Company in Los Angeles: (for privacy's sake, I won't mention who you are.)


I admire your persistence in sending your offers to a Mr. Troy Jones. Whatever they may be, they sound rather important, and maybe Mr. Jones could take you up on offers.

There's only one problem:

TROY JONES DOES NOT LIVE AT MY HOUSE.

You have sent several letters over the last few months desperately trying to get his attention, and I have sent every one back to you with notes written all over the envelopes: No Such Person At This Address, Return to Sender, ect, apparently to no avail, as you have sent yet another one to me. I received it just this Sunday.

Company in LA, I am disappoint.

I understand, you're big and important and don't have time to look at every letter sent back to you, but one would think after the TENTH GODDAMN LETTER sent back that maybe SOMEONE would say, "Gee golly jeepers, lookit here! Mr. Jones doesn't live there after all! Guess we ought to remove that address, hurr durr!" Or maybe, just maybe, after months of not being able to contact him, SOMEONE would maybe start to think, "Gee golly jeepers, lookit this! He's not responding to our mail, maybe we're sending it to the wrong address?" I guess the people that work for your company don't think, seeing as how you have yet again plagued my mailbox with yet another letter.

Troy Jones does not live here. I don't know if a Troy Jones has ever lived here, and it would be incredibly ironic if a Troy Jones moved in after my family left, but for right now, there is no such Troy Jones living at my address. For the sake of Mr. Jones, you really ought to find out what his real address is.

As destroying another person's mail is a federal offense, I will have to send every letter back to you. I won't be happy about it, but until you pull your heads out of your asses, I guess I have no other choice.

Warm regards,

Lizzie.